


Rubezahl, a fairytale with true love, near tragic errors, and spankings

by Ursula



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Humor, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-02-19
Updated: 2007-02-19
Packaged: 2019-02-05 14:42:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12796641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ursula/pseuds/Ursula
Summary: A fairy tale version of the X Files Krycek episodes





	Rubezahl, a fairytale with true love, near tragic errors, and spankings

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

Title: Rubezahl, a fairytale with true love, near tragic errors, and spankings

 

Author/Pseudonym: Ursula

 

Fandom: X-Files

 

Pairing: Mulder/Skinner/Krycek 

 

Rating: Adult Slash

 

Status: Finished 

 

Date Posted: 02-18-07

 

Archive: FHSA 

 

E-mail address for feedback: Fan4Richie or Ursula4X@aol.com

 

Classification: Humor

 

Series/Sequel: Is this story part of a series: Ursula's Fairy tales

 

Disclaimers: No profit, fan fiction for fun

 

 

Notes: Originally written as a birthday for the defunct Persuader's List.

 

Warnings: Slash

 

 

Time Frame: N/A

 

Rubezahl, a Fairytale with true love, near tragic errors, and Spankings

 

 

There once was a gnome king, who fell in love with a nymph. He was a handsome gnome and very rich so it wasn't entirely a bad thing.

 

The object of his love, Panzareta, was no ordinary nymph, but a jewel nymph who was responsible for gathering drops of moonlight that reflected on dew. When she had enough, she worked her magic and turned it into lovely gems. She was the most beautiful of her kind with eyes like emeralds and hair like jet and garnets. She was tall, graceful, and not vain at all. Often on her journey, she paused and kissed sleeping babies and soothed the weary eyes of restless sleepers. She was kind and sweet although obviously a bit of a prowler.

 

None the less, the gnome king kidnapped her and married her against her will. She was very unhappy and would have run away but soon she was with child and that diverted her.

 

When her baby was born, he enchanted her. His eyes were like lapis mixed with malachite and amber. His lips were as pink as coral and his hair was the rich sable of a mink.

 

The nymph came to love her gnome husband and he loved her. He would have set her free, but she agreed to stay with him out of love.

 

Their son was called Rubezahl. He was a lively child, full of mischief as little boys and girls are...even fairy children. He was kind and sweet natured, but very curious about humans. From the time that he could walk, Rubezahl was always sneaking up to the human world. 

 

Like all fey creatures, Rubezahl had the gift of instant travel. With one wiggle of his tiny adorable nose, he could be a thousand miles from the last place he went. Now, one of the places Rubezahl loved was an island in North America on the Eastern Seaboard. He often met and played with the most beautiful boy that he had every seen. Rubezahl was sure that Fox Mulder was a changeling or at least that he had fairy blood from somewhere in his heritage. Fox was funny, adventurous, and very smart. He had a charming little sister whom Rubezahl also adored. 

 

Rubezahl loved playing with Samantha and Fox, getting them in trouble at times because their parents accused them of making up an imaginary playmate. When his sweet Fox was a teenager, Rubezahl and Fox would sometimes steal away from little Samantha and kiss.

 

Ah, kisses....kisses were sweet, full of mystery and delight. How Rubezahl loved those kisses and dreamed about the day that he and Fox would be old enough to have more.

 

Now, Fox was still quite young the day that Rubezahl found him weeping on the beach with Samantha nowhere in sight. The gnome prince was grieved to see how sad Fox was, with sand-streaked face where the tears had been rubbed with gritty hands.

 

No matter how hard Rubezahl tried, there was no way to comfort Fox. His beloved kept saying that they had taken Samantha and he would never be happy until she was found.

 

Now, Rubezahl was very stubborn and very clever, but not always sensible. He stomped his beautiful white foot and said, "Then I shall get her back for you!"

 

*****

 

When Rubezahl came home and told his parents what he planned, they were very upset. Humans were acceptable as playthings and light of loves. On occasion, it became more serious, but the choice in that case was obvious. The fey folk would steal away the beloved human and take them to the borderlands. No fey had ever gone to live with a human lover. It just wasn't done!

 

When Panzareta, Rubezahl's mother, offered to steal away young Fox, Rubezahl was adamant. His Fox was very proud and passionate. He would never be happy as a changeling, not with his sister missing, certainly. Rubezahl declared he would put on a human skin and help find his playmate.

 

That was the end of Rubezahl's roving, his father, Narhazahl, locked him in a beautiful chamber, where trees grew delicate jade leaves and white jasmine flowers, where nightingales sung lovely bewitching songs, and the sun and moon rose together to dance with the stars.

 

The most lovely, dear, and talented nymphs and fairies in all of the borderlands were asked to visit Rubezahl there, but, alas, his green eyes dreamed only of his lost human beloved. He was polite enough with the beautiful fey folk, but he would hardly exchange a word with them.

 

Now, of all the companions that Rubezahl had, his favorite fey-folk friend was a satyr. He was a true child of Pan, with goat horns on his head, furry legs, and cunning shining hooves. Like all of his kind, he was also very full of mischief. His name was Bung, not a very nice name, but Satyrs have the most awful sense of humor and their children didn't really mind their rude names.

 

Bung like to roam about, seducing New Age people who thought he was Pan, scaring teenager humans who hid in woods to drink, and generally making a nuisance of himself.

 

Much as he adored Rubezahl...although his friend would never give him more than a peck of a kiss, Bung was soon bored. None of the beautiful fey folk would even deign to look at him, much less try his skill at lovemaking. Rubezahl lay naked on his couch, refusing to eat so much as a single grape and toying sadly with a jasmine flower.

 

Bung whispered, "Let's escape. I can clear everyone out."

 

"How?" Rubezahl asked.

 

A fiendish grin crossed Bung's face and he said, "Put this on your cute little nose and you'll see."

 

It was a clothes pin. Rubezahl shrugged and obeyed his friend. Bung was intelligent and he no doubt had a plan.

 

Hmm, Rubezahl hoped his friend had a plan. Bung ate. He devoured onions, beans, garlic, Limburger Cheese, tuna fish, and liverwurst until his stomach was a distended lump.

 

Then, he emitted gas. And more gas. Until all the courtiers fled and even the guards staggered away with tears streaming down their faces.

 

Thus, Rubezahl escaped the watchful eyes of his parents...

 

~~~~~

 

"Alex, Alex Krycek," Rubezahl said. He saw the distrust in Fox eyes. Ah, where had his dreaming love gone? 

 

When Rubezahl fled the Borderlands, he expected it would be an easy task to find Samantha. Fey folk can follow a trail better than a bloodhound. In Samantha's case, it led to the home of a human demon. He was a creature of grey eyes, smoke spewing mouth, and yellow fingers. 

 

That was where the trail ended. 

 

Rubezahl went back to Bung and told him, "I can not read the creature's mind and I fear he has taken Samantha beyond even my reach. What shall I do?"

 

Bung twitched his furry haunches and said, "We shall take on human disguises."

 

And so they did.

 

Bung became a hairy and homely human of great intelligence and placed himself in the path of Fox Mulder. He was very pleased with his human disguise. He lived with his two friends, a lower elf named Byers and a lesser gnome by the name of Langly. Amazing that not even Mulder guessed his friends weren't human.

 

As for Rubezahl, he took the dangerous target and Spender recruited him as a black operative.

 

~~~~~

 

Which brings us to this moment of the tale...

 

Now Rubezahl was a faithful soul. He had never found anyone he loved as much as Fox Mulder. Although his human form was almost as beautiful as his fey form, he never took a lover. He waited for the moment when he would find Samantha Mulder and bring her back to her brother.

 

Ah, but something happened when he saw Walter Skinner. Rubezahl had a marvelous heart, sweet, large, and tender. When he bumped in Walter in an elevator, his heart grew one whole size and his world now had two shining beacons, beautiful Fox and strong, tough Walter Skinner. 

 

 

Each day as he dressed for work, he was excited and happy. Ah, if Walter smiled it him, his heart thrilled. If Mulder patted his back, he wiggled like a puppy.

 

Only his meetings with Spender put a pall on his happiness.

 

And at last, it happened. 

 

Love. Sex. Wonderful hot, caring sex with both of the objects of his affection. Rubezahl was the happiest fey prince in the entire other world. 

 

When he woke the next morning, a bit sore in spots, a few bite marks here and there, he touched the red marks of his lover's passion and sleepily curled around Mulder. Walter groaned, snorted, and turned, flinging his strong hairy arms around Rubezahl and Mulder. It was crowded and too warm, but still the best thing that Rubezahl had ever experienced.

 

Now, if this was a bowdlerized fairy tale, it would end right there and I would say they all lived happily afterwards.

 

But they didn't.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Many terrible things happened to poor Rubezahl; the worst of thing was that his Fox and his newly found Walter came to hate him.

 

His beautiful body was mutilated and although his parents could have fixed this in a moment, they would have made him stay at home, safe beneath the earth. So, Rubezahl lived a crippled life.

 

At times, he even forgot that he was a fey prince. He felt exactly like a confused, frightened human being. It was awful. 

 

Being human, you know, my children, is a very dreadful thing at times. If it wasn't for the lovely parts, like babies, puppies, old couples wandering around hand in hand, I'm sure no one would try it all.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Ahem, back to Rubezahl.

 

Of course, his friend, Bung, was still working on the inside along with his two companions. They used their kung fu and their magic-fu to try to find Samantha, but alas, Spender had demons in his employ, terrible demons that he could not truly control. They had taken Samantha from grey Spender and hidden her in the stars!

 

Worse yet, the chief demon, a terrifying creature masquerading as an alien, had sniffed Rubezahl out and he put a dreadful spell on him, causing him to do terrible cruel things. Why he even was made to hurt his brave knight, Sir Walter.

 

Brother and sisters, it was a Grimm tale.

 

It's traditional at this point to ask the smaller children and the more tender souls to drink their bedtime chocolate and go to Dreamland. Not the episode, dears....

 

~~~~~~~~

 

 

This is the sere and sad part of the story.

 

Rubezahl managed to break the spell by throwing the demon's minion down the stairs with the aid of a beautiful blonde princess.

 

You may clap your hands now.

 

Meanwhile the demon had kidnapped Fox Mulder and made brave Sir Walter weep. Ah, it's a sad thing to make a fierce warrior trapped and helpless. 

 

Worse yet, Mulder's squire was impregnated and no one knew it was his child or that of the demons.

 

Rubezahl wasn't sure either until Bung, now known as Frohike, showed him that the child was a perfectly ordinary changeling. It was a natural child, made in the usual fashion by incubi and succubae having intercourse with mortals...or well, in this case, with a satyr in disguise. Yes, Bung was soon to be a father, but he was a bit concerned that the squire didn't find out. She was a red head and had quite a temper.

 

 

The other important thing that Bung had found out was that Samantha was lost in the stars, but she could be brought back.

 

However, only a man who was no man and was not living or dead could bring her back.

 

Langly's suggestion that Dr. Frankfurter from the Rocky Horror Picture Show met that description resulted in his being spanked. Repeatedly.

 

Lesser gnomes squeal so sweetly when they are spanked. Byers, the low elf, really thought everyone should have one.

 

But that's another story...

 

~~~~~~~

 

The demon wanted a sacrifice and he made Rubezahl promise to serve him for seven years and seven days. 

 

Being a noble Gnome prince, Rubezahl would have done it too. But making deals with demons is a bad practice. Of course, the demon meant to cheat him and only returned his Fox with the intention of turning him into a demon!

 

 

Now, Rubezahl knew his Fox would never want to live as demon and he thought that he would have to kill him to stop it.

 

And he failed.

 

His Walter killed him. I know this is very sad to read, but you see, Walter didn't know that Rubezahl had a spell put on him. Walter didn't even believe in spells.

 

Of course, you can't really kill the son of a gnome king and a jewel nymph, but Rubezahl's heart was broken.

 

Faithful Bung picked him up and carried him down, down, down, past the caverns with the stalagmites, the deep pools with the blind white cave fish, past the diamond mines, and the deep lava rivers beneath the bed rock. 

 

When they arrived at the land of magic, deep in the earth, Bung lay Rubezahl at his parent's feet and quivered in fear.

 

Fortunately for the Satyr, Rubezahl's parents were too happy to see him to punish Bung for helping him escape. 

 

Gratefully, Bung ran at all speed back to the human world where he soon discovered that Fox was not replaced with a demon, but merely under a spell. It was an easily broken spell, cured by a simple spanking.

 

Imagine having to explain this to a stern, unsmiling, towering Walter Skinner.

 

It made Bung develop a bald spot on his furry haunches from worry.

 

However, Walter had noticed that nothing seemed right by this time. He was willing to try anything.

 

He caught Mulder just as he was about to run off with infant changeling, William, to give to the demon prince.

 

To Scully's horrified amazement, Walter caught his lover over his knee, peeled down the very tight jeans he was wearing and spanked his frequently flaunted ass until it glowed red as rubies.

 

Meanwhile, Frohike AKA Bung stood holding his son for the first time, peering down into the frowning face. He gazed into the puzzled eyes, and smoothing back hair from the half-bald forehead to coo to him. Scully looked from one face to the other and nearly fainted.

 

Shortly afterwards, leaving Scully to confront Frohike who now was so frightened that he had changed to his natural form, Walter carried handsome Fox away, still weeping from the pain of his very sore ass, but cured of the spell.

 

Scully didn't know whether she wanted to dissect Frohike or merely neuter him. She just hoped that William was not going to have hoof and mouth disease instead of colic. How was she ever going to explain THIS to her mother?

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Where was the gnome prince, Rubezahl, you might ask?

 

Oh, go ahead, ask.

 

All right, I'll tell you anyway.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Prince Rubezahl lay on his comfortable bed in his beautiful rooms and he would not eat nor speak or move for a very long time.

 

At last, he rose from his bed and said, "Mother, father, I still have one task to complete. I must rescue Samantha."

 

Now Rubezahl was no man. Half gnome and half nymph, he was a wonder of beauty, but not human at all. Of course, he was alive, but his poor heart was dead so he met the other condition.

 

Valiantly, Rubezahl fought twelve star demons.

 

He vanquished a sea monster.

 

He spun a space ship out of straw.

 

And he found Samantha.

 

Of course, his playmate knew him and she laughed with delight to see him, giving Rubezahl, a hug and a kiss that made him feel better.

 

They rode all night on a steed made of the morning star. They passed through scenes of beauty and terror until they arrived at the balcony of Walter Skinner's apartment. 

 

Rubezahl put drops of forgetfulness in Samantha's eyes and left her sleeping on Mulder's old couch which Walter had kindly put in the little office in his home so Mulder would feel comfortable.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Of course, Mulder was both happy and astounded when he woke. He didn't quite believe it, but Scully tested the girl and there was no doubt that she was a Mulder. She had the nose, after all.

 

And she pouted.

 

All in all, they would have been a happy family, but for one thing.

 

Rubezahl.

 

The forgetfulness drops did not work on Samantha and, of course, she told Fox everything about being rescued.

 

And he remembered.

 

His grownup cobwebs cleared and he remembered his first kiss.

 

And he could not forget. Rubezahl.

 

Walter watched his lover fade by the day. He tried to make him feel better. He even brought him rapunzel. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find rapunzel in modern Maryland? Let me tell you, it's not like zucchini, you know.

 

The rapunzel didn't work at all.

 

The dancing shoes that Langly made did not work.

 

Nothing worked.

 

Fox pined and grew frailer by the day.

 

Now, Walter had been thinking. He had come to believe in little green men, brownies, and satyrs. Hey, nothing seemed impossible.

 

So, Walter girded on his sword. Okay, maybe it was a Glock and his armor was a bullet- proof vest, but you get the idea.

 

 

Holding Frohike off the edge of his balcony made the information spill out his mouth. 

 

Led by the satyr, the lower elf, and the lesser gnome, Walter and Mulder traveled deep into the earth, wishing they had the time to have their seven league boots custom made. It's not fun fighting dragons with sore feet.

 

They had many adventures on the way.

 

They encountered frost giants.

 

And ghosts.

 

Walter fought an army of trolls while Mulder had to trade riddles with the sphinx to be admitted to the realm of Rubezahl.

 

Just as Walter slew the last troll, Mulder gave the correct answer, "Man!"

 

Poor old Sphinx was still using the same damn riddle. Someone should have told her it was in many books now. She never quite got over the good old days and her nose was out of joint...well, actually, it was gone.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

As soon as they entered, Walter and Mulder nearly fell to their faces. They saw Alex's parents and knew who they were instantly.

 

Panzareta was so beautiful it was hard to look at her. Narhazahl was very fierce although slight and short of stature. He wore shining silver armor and his gaze was as direct and pitiless as an eagle staring at a rabbit.

 

Walter took off his SWAT helmet and said, "Sir, Ma'am, we've come to ask for your son's hand."

 

Narhazahl said, "I believe your Fox caused one of them to be left in Russia. Feel free to look for it. Go and bother us no more."

 

Panzareta was angry too, but she kept thinking of her son's unhappiness. He had returned, but as soon as he was home, he had gone to his bed. Now he would not wake at all. He lay there like a beautiful doll on the velvet covers. Surely, if these humans could help her child, then they deserved his love.

 

Her white hand rested on her husband's shoulder and she said, "If he can break the spell on our son, they are welcome to his hand."

 

Narhazahl glared at the two humans, but at last, he nodded. Let the humans try.

 

Fox tried a kiss. 

 

He gently kissed each quivering eyes lid, dusky and fragile, velvet lashes brushing Alex's cheekbones. Rubezahl smiled in his sleep, but did not wake. Not even when Fox kissed his lips in a kiss that was one of the world's sweetest kisses, other writer's claims to the contrary.

 

Again, they tried every manner of things.

 

Human smelling salts made Rubezahl's petite nose wrinkle, but he still did not wake.

 

A golden ball did nothing at all.

 

A golden statue interested him to the point of one eye opening, but alas, he could not grasp it.

 

Now, Walter was thinking and he thought, 'What the hell. It worked with Mulder.'

 

Quickly, he said, "Agent Krycek, wake up. It's time to go to work."

 

One green eye fluttered open, but a sigh left the pink coral lips and he closed his eyes again.

 

Walter glanced at the fierce father and the tall fey guards and he swallowed hard.

 

He was a very brave man.

 

He lifted the white marble form of beautiful Rubezahl over his knees just as he had done with his golden Fox. He smoothed the silken skin of the cheeks and then he swatted.

 

Now, Rubezahl was very spoiled and he had never been spanked. His parents could never bear to see a tear in those green eyes, which is why he managed to meet Fox.

 

Walter's slap resounded in the crystal cave like an earthquake. It was a shocking sound that was followed by several more. Rubezahl's dulcet tones soon woke. He shrieked. He begged for mercy. He kicked his lovely feet. He certainly was no longer a sleeping prince.

 

Walter wanted to be very sure the spell was broken.

 

At least, that was his story and he was sticking to it. He didn't stop until the white marble rounds were as red as rubies. He didn't stop until Rubezahl promised never to fall for a demon's lies and promises again.

 

Soon, Fox and Walter comforted their beloved Rubezahl. They comforted him so long that the Gnome King and the Nymph Queen had plenty of time to arrange a royal wedding, inviting every one who was anyone in fairy land.

 

It was a lovely thing. All three of the grooms wore white linen suits. Scully gave Mulder away and Doggett gave Walter away. Of course, Rubezahl's parents stood up for him.

 

And, as is traditional, the human husbands spent half the time in the borderlands and half the time with humans. Rubezahl, I have to say, was not willing to go above the caverns of night again. Being human was just too difficult and he was very content to wait in fairyland. Soon, his lovers would live by his side forever.

 

Bung and Scully secretly married. 

 

And I do believe everyone lived happily ever after.

 

The end


End file.
